What a fucking waste of an outfit
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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