She announced her abortion via fbk
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
