I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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