Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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