Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
