he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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