Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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