Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
