This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
