Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
