He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
