At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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