you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
