Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
