I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
