You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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