how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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