there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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