Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
