also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
