i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
