perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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