i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize