Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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