So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
