Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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