worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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