I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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