when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
