every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
