So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
