i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
