She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
