STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
