1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There r osticjed everywhere
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
