Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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