we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
