found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
