yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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