I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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