My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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