Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize