I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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