I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
