dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
