So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize