i was born a porn star she said
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
