the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
