My friends, they love my intelligence
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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