I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize