plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
