At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
