You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
