On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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