somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Randomize
