We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We got so high we made milksteak
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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