He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
