it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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