I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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