Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize