I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
