Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
