so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
