I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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